**Trigger Warning: Here I am talking about postpartum anxiety. I use this as a cathartic outlet but I do not want to upset anyone, so please do not read on if this might affect you.
When I was pregnant, I spoke at length about the postpartum period with my doula while in my third trimester. We talked about what to expect in terms of physical healing and emotional stress, and planned for my placenta to be encapsulated so that I could ingest in pill form after birth to combat hormonal changes and depression.
But even with our sessions talking and planning for it, it’s one of those things you have to experience for yourself to know it fully. I will say with certainty, that ingesting the placenta pills kept my hormones in check. Not once did I feel anxious or sad a in those first critical weeks, even though my body was in decently rough shape. I figured no one comes out unscathed from the experience of giving birth and my journey might be more physical rather than mental.
Then the coronavirus happened.
When I first heard about it, I immediately thought of Giuliana. I asked our pediatrician all about it, and at the time, she was telling us not to worry, but to take normal precautions like hand washing and not letting many people touch Giuliana. We stocked up hand sanitizer and wipes on trips to the Christmas Tree Shop and Costco, just to be safe.
Within the last week, I’m glad we did that. We also got out of New York City and went to our home in the North Fork given that my husband’s company told him he needed to work remotely. We could stay put and have outdoor space, so that’s what we decided to do.
The 24-hour news cycle can be a bitch, though. We keep watching to stay informed, but at some point, what else can they say? They need to fill the time and the airwaves so it’s more of the same. As a journalist, what I’m doing is paying extra attention to what the experts are saying, and maybe even more so, what they are NOT saying.
I’m noticing that when people are asking the experts questions, they are often skirting the answers and repeating the same “keep calm, wash your hands” party line, but they aren’t actually answering. They keep saying the likelihood of infants being affected are nil, but then there are cases just now cropping up. And in my mind, I’m thinking: if an infant can die from the flu, why wouldn’t they be able to die from this?
Now, let’s be real. I could be spiraling. My anxiety is finally here in spades and all I can think about is what would happen if my daughter was infected, or if I was the one to give it to her. I’m sure I’m not the only new mom (or more seasoned mom for that matter) who is feeling the same way, but I’m not familiar with this thing called anxiety and I certainly don’t like it.
I’m trying not to let this overwhelm me, so I’m doing the following things: 5 minutes of tai chi every day and a 10-minute guided mediation for new moms. I’m also trying to get outside every day to see the sun and sneak in some quality time for reading, which always seems to mellow me out when I need it.
And Phil’s cocktail made with some high quality tequila also helps. For all you beverage novices, tequila is the only liquor that is an upper- and in my postpartum drinking state, a half a shot in a mixed drink is enough to keep me smiling for hours.
Phil’s Get the Job Done Marg
Tequila Blanco (one shot)
Cointreau (one shot)
Simple syrup (half shot)
Lime seltzer (2 ounces)