Loss of Power, Monthly Food Delivery Amidst a Storm and an Inevitable Meltdown
Diary of a Mad Mama
Monday 4/13 4:00pm
I begin today’s blog post from my bed while watching my daughter peacefully nap. We just lost power (around 3ish) due to a bad storm out in the Tri-state area.
I woke up this morning feeling a weird vibe settling over the house. It was grey and windy and the local news told us to brace for a storm and to expect power outages.
So, I rushed to get some things done.
We gave Giuliana her tub early. I cooked dinner and packed it away for later. I made lunch for my family that included all the expensive cheese that we previously purchased from our local Village Cheese Shop that would certainly go bad if the fridge went out. I whipped up my own protein shake for lunch well ahead of time. I did a quick workout— part arms, part yoga. I forced everyone to shower early and put on fresh clothes. We took our pizza oven out of the backyard in the pouring rain. I rounded up the candles, matches and lighters. I canceled a phone catch up with my dear friend Amy.
In essence, I ran around like a crazy person.
At first, the entire family thought I was overreacting. When I suggested that we cook early and even boil some eggs, I was being dramatic. Then slowly everyone got on board with my way of thinking.
When the power finally went out, I decided to sit in my bedroom with Giuliana while she slept. The baby monitors weren’t working so I wanted to make sure I heard her if she needed me.
Phil got a text that power can be down until 4am. The rest of the day will certainly be interesting with a 3-and-a half month old.
****
6:15pm
Still no power, it’s getting dark and Peapod shows up with our massive grocery order that we’ve been so patiently waiting for. We couldn’t get a timeslot for weeks - we were working through our freezer and shelf stable items and we’re praying for fresh protein and veggies.
So when it finally showed up - and without power- Phil and I cleaned each item we purchased in the crazy wind. We wanted to make sure each item coming into our home had been sanitized. It took us an hour to get it all done and by then Giuliana missed her evening nap. I feel like this was the beginning of the end for me.
When we finally sat down to eat the dinner that I had pre-made, Giuliana would not go down. We could see she was antsy but sleep wasn’t in the cards for her. I worried that we had missed her window and she was becoming overtired (clearly something I learned all about after reading Happiest Baby Guide to Great Sleep) but we were so bone tired after getting everything into the house, we just rolled with it.
The lights came back on as we were eating dinner, a true blessing, although we were ready with our candles, flashlights and supplies. But, sadly, the missed nap was now about to bite us in the ass.
9pm
We tried to get Giuliana down for the night earlier than normally since she usually has a later nap followed by a “dream feed” that usually settles her for the evening. But from 9-11:30pm she wailed and wailed, eating a bit here and there, but just angry as hell at us and showing us whose boss.
By 11:30pm we had gotten her down to sleep, but that would not be for long. She was acting as if we just brought her home from the hospital and this was the first two weeks at home trying to deal with a wailing newborn. Clearly, the mood of the day, it’s difficulties and our frustrations were being felt by our intuitive, empathetic child. She was pissed off and I couldn’t blame her.
She was up at 2am to greet us again, this time out of hunger, given her one-woman-show-hunger-strike we had to endure hours earlier. I obliged and we got her back down at 3:30am.
Tuesday 4/14
Very rarely do I do this, but I decided to just stay in bed. I didn’t care dishes had to be done or I was supposed to answer emails or even write this blog. Nope. I needed a mental health day. I told Phil this was how it was going to be and asked if I could have help in between feedings with the baby. I turned on Netflix and watched a teen movie flick for pure enjoyment and hung out with Giuliana in bed most of the day.
While she napped, I took a shower and balled my eyes out. It felt good, very cathartic. I needed the release, the steam of the shower to open up my nasal passages and time to myself. No husband, no parents, no baby. Just me.
Around 2:30pm, Phil and I were trying to put Giuliana down for another nap when I looked up at him and said, “Let’s take a drive and she can nap there.” We literally just put shoes on. I didn’t brush my hair, put on a coat or even bring my purse with me. We simply got in the car and drove around for two hours while our little one slept.
I sat in the backseat next to her while we drove all over the North Fork from Orient Point to Mattituck and back. I felt comforted by the blue skies and crystal-clear water on the beaches. Seeing it from afar through my car window was a form of natural meditation that I needed to help me reset emotionally.
Wednesday 4/15
I didn’t let myself feel guilty for yesterday. I leaned in to my “day off”. This whole time I’ve been making the best of this bad situation and trying to navigate being a new mom in the midst of a global pandemic that no one living has ever seen before. But stress, anxiety and frustration, coupled with horrible sleep, had finally gotten the best of me.
It’s f*cking hard being a new mom in the best of circumstances, but what can I do? I had a New Year’s baby, and then the coronavirus happened. There are plenty of silver linings in this experience which I’ve talked about before, but then there’s the bad.
I feel like people don’t like hearing the negative. They don’t want to hear about this pandemic, how long it might last, how bad it could be. They want to only see the positives, but that’s not how I’m wired. I’m pragmatic at heart and I need to know the facts. When I know facts (not opinions) then I can make a game plan. I take solace in having a plan, but I also understand that things can change on a dime. I plan, knowing we can pivot when needed.
On Tuesday, I needed to be IN IT. I needed to understand that this is a terrible situation and I’m allowed to feel the way I feel and I’m allowed to press pause to reset. I took stock in me, my mental health and wellbeing so that I can be better for my daughter and my family.
I share this with all of you friends, family, followers because I’m sure some of you can relate to what I’m feeling, especially the new moms out there. If this does nothing more than allowing you to know it’s ok to be IN IT, then I’m glad I shared it here on this platform instead of writing it in my diary.
I’d love to hear from you out there. How is everyone coping? Anyone else have any spectacular meltdowns? Who has cried in the shower? Who loves their child to the moon and back but still needs a break sometimes? I’m thinking of you all out there and sending you love.